I’ve heard it said that the actual race is just the victory lap. The real work and the real reward is in the training. And yet, I feel like I lost out on more than just a victory lap when the Iron Girl was cancelled this past Sunday.
I know that it needed to be cancelled– there was no way for it to have gone on. On Saturday night, I laid awake in bed from 2:30 on, listening to the thunder and tornado sirens. I couldn’t hear rain or see lightening, but the thunder and sirens were enough. I was so scared that the weather would be bad, but not bad enough to cancel, and I couldn’t imagine riding in the rain for 19 miles. Could I get through it safely?
Getting the notice that the race had been cancelled was, in that instant, both a disappointment and a relief. As time passed, the relief faded, the disappointment grew and the doubt started to creep in. Could I have really finished the race? Could I have handled the hills on the bike? Would I have fallen over in that last hill before transition? Would I have been able to earn the medal? Was I really an Iron Girl?
My first thought when the race was cancelled was that I could just sign up for the My First Tri Stagg is doing in a couple weeks. But now, I’m not so sure I want to do that. I still have a little time before I have to decide, but I am leaning toward not doing it.
I was mentally prepared to move on at this point– looking forward to a summer where I could run and swim and try some of the classes at the Y that have nothing to do with triathlon. I was ready to focus less on the bike and build the running and swimming, which I enjoy more. And part of me has. Part of me is living in a post-IronGirl world, while another part is still waiting for the race that will never be. Where I expected to feel tired and sore and proud and accomplished, I have pretty much… nothing.
So I am in a funk. I have a T-shirt and a medal that I don’t feel like I should have. I have a race number on my helmet that hasn’t seen a mile, and a crumpled bike number and race number that are crumpled because they were shoved in a bag instead of worn hard and put up wet. I don’t know if I should move on or force myself to do a tri so I attempt for some sort of sense of completion.
Hopefully, things will be a little more clear in a few days. Because, clearly, today is not a day when I able to sort it all out.Share on Facebook
Short URL: http://tinyit.cc/278d1e Tweet: